Thursday, September 17, 2009

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

An update about Izzy.

Well, we picked up Izzy after school yesterday and she wasn't crying but she wasn't exactly enthusiastic. In fact, she was pretty grumpy on the walk home.

Today is another day off.

Nothing has been solved or settled. She vacillates between saying she will go back (in a more resigned tone, not at all animated) and saying she is home for good to homeschool. In all my life, I've never felt so unsure about how to move forward.

Has she had enough time to deal with her fears and get into a groove? Is it still nerves or is it the setting, with many rules and multiple children with variable needs that stresses her out? Am I giving up if I yank her out now? What message would either scenario send to her?

Tentatively, I made a suggestion to Rob that we send her Friday, the first day with all 20 kids in class. A few of whom are friends that she has not had a chance to see in class yet. Then we have her go (funny, I want to use the word force...which it may come down to) every day next week. If next Friday is still a bust, we bring her home.

It seems reasonable to my mind but the rest of me is reeling. It has been suggested that we wait a full month before we get a real idea about whether or not she will adjust. I am pretty darn sure that my sensibilities could not take a month of this.

I can hear both sides of the argument in my mind. Keep sending her. She will get over her fears and learn to love it. Keep her home. What is the point in trying to break her in when we really don't want (or need) her there to begin with. Would it be giving up or just chalking it up to a life lesson and proceed on at home as we want?

I also have the voice of the teacher and the school in my head but have to be honest, their concerns do not reflect my priorities for my family.

So, I am confused and not sure were all this is heading. I would kill for a magic ball right now.

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