Eclectic and relaxed...

...with an unschoolish bent. Huh? I have read back through my last few posts and think I have moved slightly away from that. Still relaxed - mostly. I have my days, like everyone else. Eclectic, for sure. I like to mix things up and enjoy reading and incorporating different styles and techniques. Unschoolish? Less so each day.

I don't think unschooling works for Alex right now. I wanted to have the work boxes there for him to pick and choose his activities but I realize that certain activities need to be done first thing in the morning. Take today, for example, which was our first day of using the work boxes and was technically a disaster but we had little control over it.

To start, my nephew was with us today. An out of town doctor's appointment for my niece meant a day off school for L. L and Alex are the same age. He is a sweet boy but he and Alex tend to get each other all riled up. Not in a bad way. They just get so excited they become oblivious to the world around them. Then Alex takes a while to settle his brain back down. Plus L is a gaming addict. I banned Wii play today until after Alex had his piano lesson (first one since June) but let the boys play after lunch. By the time everyone left it was late afternoon and Alex was not in a frame of mind to get much done. He gets whinier, and works as slow as molasses. It is hard for him to focus. Izzy starts to get in the way by bugging him or getting in his way. It isn't pretty and eventually devolves into a sulky kid and aggravated mother.

So I know math, piano and reading together will have to come first thing. There will need to be more repetition and better scheduling for his school work. These next few weeks are going to be rough as it is with the extra fatigue from starting activities all over again and this new business of getting Izzy off to school each day.

I wish I could unschool. Between dealing with school (which I am sure is influencing my sudden need to make sure Alex is "covered" in all areas, academically) and dealing with a kid who wakes up each morning with a finite amount of patience and productivity that depletes with each passing hour, I feel forced to come up with a more rigid plan of attack. Mind you, with only two work boxes completed today I can say the relaxed aspect of my homeschooling personality has kicked right in. We'll just finish them tomorrow. I am, after all, not truly on a deadline. And the whole point of this form of education was to keep Alex happy and engaged.

It is hard finding balance some days. As a mom and as a teacher/facilitator.

The 1950s Sitcom Mom

I have a new bread recipe, thanks to this book. I should have taken a picture of the two loaves I made yesterday but one was eaten up quite quickly and the other went to a friend. It was so easy to make and it reminded me of some old commercial where the mom was baking some instant thing in the kitchen but threw some flour on her shirt before she presented it to her family. You know, look like you slaved away all day and must be one hell of a chef to even pull it off.

Speaking of TV moms, I read a conversation online between stay-at-home moms and whether or not these women were doing a disservice to their children with the hot breakfasts and home-made cookies after school. It got me thinking about my kids, and more specifically, my daughter. I had not browsed this site in quite some time, and to be honest, really don't even think of myself as a sahm. Probably because we are rarely home, and when we are, we are busy with school stuff. Homeschooling feels like a job to me. At least in the sense that I do a lot of reading and prep work for the kids, not to mention all the time spent on arranging the calendar and activities.

It is funny how the 50s mom, with the pretty dresses and the perfectly groomed children and house are still such a big part of our consciousness. I suppose that this is the epitome of the sainted mother. Of course, now the bar has been raised even farther. One must also work, pull in a great salary at a great job and be the perfect mother, house keeper, etc... I couldn't fall further from the mark, nor would I ever strive for such an artificial and glazed lifestyle but my kids do have a little 'Leave it to Beaver' going on in their lives.

We snuggle and read under the covers when it is rainy outside and choose not to leave the house. I make, from scratch, most of their meals and treats. I am always around when they need to chat or want a hug. They have it pretty good but I wonder what they'll make of this when they grow up? I certainly hope they will look back fondly on their childhood. Will Alex expect his wife to whip up grand family meals or even stay home to educate their children? And Izzy? My mind is all a flutter wondering what kind of choices she'd make in the future.

I guess my first priority is for them to see they have choices. Yes, be prepared to work and take care of yourself, hopefully in a profession they enjoy. But also remember family is important and be at peace with the choices you make for your kids. I hope they see that gender roles can vary too. And that I stayed home for many reasons but first and foremost is because I want to be here. If Alex grew up and had a partner willing to work while he cared for the kids, I'd say more power to him.

Whatever happens, whatever they do, I hope I impart to them the notion that happy parents breed happy children. So work if that makes you happy. Stay home with the kids, if you are able and prefer. Just be happy.

Piano and Scrambled Eggs...a Life Lesson

Alex is doing better in piano these days. At least with the teacher he is. Alex was never very delicate with piano. He was a keyboard masher until about a year ago when Rob showed him how to handle the keys one at a time. He gets fidgety pretty quickly too. So, I am thrilled to bits that he seems calmer during his lessons. He plays with the feet much less frequently than in the beginning. He is attentive and enjoys it very much. Until he has to practice.

Unfortunately he started piano when we started the kitchen. That meant little or no practicing at all the first month in. So he didn't start out with great habits. Add to the fact that he is his father's son (complains when things are challenging...thankfully many things come easy to the guys) and practice time becomes a battle of will. He will try a song. Make a mistake. Growl at himself. Declare it impossible. Be coaxed into trying again. Does better but is still sulky. Lather, rinse, repeat.

So we sit and chat. Yes, he likes piano. No, it is not fair to take up the teacher's time if we don't hold up our end of the bargain. Yes, we are better at practicing because we have the routine of doing it every day right after breakfast. No, we don't need a whole song and dance about how terrible he is at it every single day.



I needed a new angle. It came to me when I had cleared the table to start our weather diagrams. The kids were still sitting while while we had an animated discussion about all my failures in life. Like the pirate ship cake that was too square and I had to reshape. We talked about how and when I learned to bake. We laughed about all the hits and misses over the years and that one does not wake up one morning with the ability to make a castle cake. It starts with learning to bake a basic cake. So I grabbed two bowls and the carton of eggs. I passed each of them an egg and told them to crack it into the bowl...without shells, of course. Naturally, they wound up with fists full of crushed egg, complete with yolk drippings. I turned to Alex and said, "Wow, you really stink at this. Guess you should just give up and put the eggs away, huh?" We both chuckled. They each went on to crack two more eggs. The third being nearly perfect for both.

When we were cooking the eggs we talked about how most things in life take effort. Some more than others. Master egg cracking took about three tries. Piano, Alex agreed, was much more complicated than cracking an egg so should be approached with more patience. Anything worth having, like scrambled eggs for lunch or the ability to play piano takes time and effort. And much less complaining.

I don't know if this lesson will stick but I think I got my point across.

Feel like rambling...

I saw something online that got me thinking. A hs mom was asking how to cope with her 4 year old wanting to go to real school. This was something we encountered last year. For us the issue had more to do with living in a fairly condensed neighbourhood with, surprisingly, 4 boys (he knew and played with) going into JK at the same time and a few more heading to SK and 1, all to the same school just down the street. Obviously he felt a little left out. Then there was the August/September back to school hype and all the adults - from the supermarket check-out girl to the waiter serving us at a restaurant, asking if he was excited to be going to school?! It was a challenge.

It didn't help that it was our first official year home schooling and I was more than a little nervous. I was new at explaining it to people and those around us were just becoming aware of our venture. We persevered. Alex reconnected with home school friends. We tried to just relax and have fun. It was a long winter but we managed. Even in our toughest moments, Rob was there to cheer us on and remind me why we were doing what we were doing.

What a difference a year makes. This year we are all on board - completely. Alex didn't even ask about school. He saw his friends enthusiasm fade dramatically after September. More than a few of them let him know how lucky they thought he was. We have expanded our home school network, more friends, more classes, more fun. Izzy is older and now a bigger part of our activities. We no longer have to wait until she is in bed to do a science experiment or read a book without pictures. She wants to learn everything Alex learns.

So, when I think of that mom, I think that the most important part of keeping the kids happy with home schooling is to make them a part of the process. Have them become invested. We are a part of many activities but they are tailored to the kids and their interests. Alex isn't big on competitive group sports, so we just don't sign him up for the local soccer league. Izzy loves girly pink things and dancing, so she does ballet. They have both home school and neighbourhood friends, and contrary to some lore regarding kids who are home schooled, are not at all socially inept. They attend classes and group events. They have a lot of say over what we learn and how much time we spend doing it. We don't spend a lot of time talking about school. We talk about learning. We talk about our values, as a family. We talk about kids, ours specifically, and that we don't think Alex should be held back a bit in certain areas (like reading and comprehension where he is years ahead) and pushed too quickly in others (like writing, which he hates). They work at their own pace and are glad for it.

I think we are just a more confident lot this time around. We survived that first big leap. We kept Alex out of school and got through the loss of experiencing that first day of school (which I admit gave me quite a few pangs) and came out the other end just fine. Better than fine, actually. Happy.

Will I feel the pangs again next September when Izzy should be heading off to JK? Maybe, though to a much lesser extent I think. She does ask about school more often these days. She has a model of another system right before her eyes though, so I don't think it will be a big issue. I've always said, and I stand by this, that someday when they kids are old enough (don't ask me what that age is yet because maturity matters to me more than chronological age) and had a valid argument for them to attend a bricks and mortar school we would comply. The challenge for me, I suppose, is to meet their needs as best as I can so that they don't feel like they are missing out on anything.

All in all, we are thrilled with our decision. We make a lot of choices for our kids that they aren't always happy with or understand. That is our job and we do it with the best of intentions. So for that mom who worries about the child who wants school, I say wait a while and work with your child to make the life that makes you both happy. I am not a teacher or a dictator. I am an adviser to my children and an advocate. This is why they desperately need to be invested in the process. I can get the information to them, or help them find it but they need to be the ones to take it in. I can find the children for them to play with but they need to make the friendships. I can offer up programs and activities but they have to want to participate. One of the greatest things about home schooling your children is that you know them like no others can. A tailor made education is right there for the picking. Young children can't understand this but they will, eventually. Real school, or wanting to experience it, is not the enemy. It may very well be the right fit for her child someday, or even one or both of mine. Accept it for what it is. For now it is just the whims of a young child who doesn't even know what school is.

Well Rounded Kids

Posting about the kids art class got me thinking. I love art but really wouldn't call myself artistic. I love music but can't sing at all (Rob's says it isn't truly tone-deafness just a genuine lack of talent...nice guy, eh? LOL).

So, I've started asking myself the question, what will make the kids well-rounded and how much effort should I really put into it? By that I mean what will I really require my kids to pursue and to what degree.

I an a big proponent of child-led learning. I am also of the opinion that a variety oft ideas, situations and opportunities must come across the path of these homeschooled children - and that rarely happens spontaneously.

The arts are very important to me. I think good music and art are food for the soul. I would like to help them acquire an appreciation and understanding, to whatever level they choose. There will be music lessons, art classes and trips to concerts and museums.

Physical education is a no-brainer but we do not go about this in the way schools do. Or at least did, back in my day. Alex isn't big on group sports. He gets a little over excited and his attention span wanes quickly. He also does not have a competitive spirit. He has shown an interest in tennis, and (hopefully) will take it up next summer with Rob. He runs, swims, hikes and dances. Izzy is more interested in group sports. She loves the to work out the rules of the game. She loves that everyone has a part. So we'll find homeschool gym classes, take swim lessons and hopefully teach the kids how to skate. Whatever they do, I just want to see them carry it forward to adulthood. Good physical health habits will stay with them for life.

I want to give them opportunities to try out things they like. It wouldn't hurt to have them try out new experiences, even those they aren't necessarily drawn to.

Who are we and what are we doing?

It's funny, when you are so immersed in homeschooling that you forget that 95% of everyone else out there has no idea what it is all about. Our family, friends and neighbours all know what is going on...sort of. I have to say most people we run into, just in passing, seem not too shocked or offended by such a notion. Still, when probed, people really want to know what it is we are doing. Especially when they hear that what Alex and Izzy are not doing is school at home.

I am very fond of books (and now the internet) so when I first entertained thoughts of homeschooling Alex, I did my homework and then some. I am a planner by nature and thought, falsely, that I could plot this whole venture right out.

Of course, I found that there are those who do this for religious reasons (though they, as a group, represent fewer and fewer of the new recruits). There are the unschoolers who follow a child's lead and trust that it all comes together in the end. There is no fixed agenda and you follow the interests of the child. Some people do do school at home, either by following their own version of the provincial curriculum or by sending away for correspondence studies. The classical homeschoolers believe education has has two important aspects. First that it is language-focused and, secondly, it follows a specific three-part pattern: the mind must be first supplied with facts and images, then given the logical tools for organization of facts, and finally equipped to express conclusions. To the classical mind, all knowledge is interrelated. There is a lot of emphasis on the major works of the western world...from the ancient Greek poets and philosophers to classical British authors and playwrights. Lastly, there are those of us who fall into the ever popular eclectic homeschoolers. We take a little from column a and a little from b, c and, maybe, d.

So where do we fit in? Well, we are pretty close to being unschoolers at the moment. I still offer material to the kids, though, and initiate a lot of things I think they will be interested in. I will also have them sit down at the table and do some work - like practicing writing. Though that constitutes less than an hour or two of our time each week. We have no fixed agenda for when we do 'school' work and if we happen to miss some table work, oh well. I haven't looked at the Ontario curriculum online in over a year and have no inclination to do so any time soon. We tend to just run with whatever catches our fancy at the moment. So far, in the past 16 months, this has included running obsessions with the Titanic (and big boats in general), engineering and architecture, inventors and their inventions, outer space, flying, the human body and weather. Oh, and Alex taught himself to read too.

I anticipate changes though. I think the biggest asset to homeschooling is flexibility. Just like when a certain subject becomes boring and dropped, styles of homeschooling are not set in stone. I know, for my own piece of mind (and eventual university entrance viability) we will move towards more structured curriculums. For now I have a five and a half year old who is well beyond what the government educational model demands of him and happy. At this point, it is a case of why fix what isn't broken?

Homeschool Philosophy

There was a post on a parenting board I frequent, asking about our homeschool philosophy and this is what I wrote:


When Alex came along I sensed he was a bit different and would have a hard time in school. I was also unhappy with the educational choices left to us. School just felt like a bad fit for him. Funny enough, I wouldn't have hesitated to send my younger daughter but she is so different. Thankfully Alex helped us discover homeschooling first.

The issues I had with Alex sort of highlighted some of the problems I personally had with the school system at large. Though a scary leap, I decided homeschooling was a way for me to hold on to my personal ideals about how to live life and to not live with regret because I was scared - that it would have been easier to do what everyone else around me was doing even though it felt wrong.

I believe in family before peers, especially for kids. I want to be their biggest influence. (Well Rob too, lol.) I want them, as young children, to play and have fun. I want them to learn how to cope with boredom and learn how to be creative. I hate homework and busywork for young kids. I hate the sense of competition that develops in school and this need to keep pushing kids to get ahead. I want them to have a say over what they learn, and how, and when. I never want them to think of learning as a chore. I want competence in subjects that are severely lacking in schools today - like proper literacy and the ability to think and debate.

School would have changed Alex. Not for the better, I believe. Conforming would be difficult for him, not just the act itself, but because he needs to please others. Emotionally it would have taken a toll on him. I love homeschooling most of all because my kids get to be who they are and learn at the pace they set. They are not defined by grades or their behavior amoung peers.

School is set up for the good of the many, as it should be, but that doesn't always jive with what is good for the individual. That is more important to me. I won't sacrifice what I think is best for my children based on what 25 other kids need. For example, I know that a class needs to be quiet and settled for teacher to teach. I also know that my son needs to move a lot, find something to fidget with, and be attracted to the material being presented. I know that large groups not only take his attention but exhaust him quickly. That isn't fair of me (or anyone else) to ask of the school. So we do it at home.

Homeschooling isn't really even about schooling to us. It is about lifestyle. Rob and I still love to read and learn. Most of the things I retain have come to me through interests well after my 'education' ended. We don't want to teach our kids subjects, we want to teach them the thrill of learning something new and give them the tools to do that for the rest of their lives.

In my heart I am still an idealist. I cherish my days in university more for the debates I had and teachers that challenged my ideas than for career advancement. Schools (more specifically post-secondary) shouldn't just be businesses prepping future employees. It should be about growth and the betterment of one's self and mind.